Friday, February 10, 2012

"Let's see ourselves beautiful again"

 I know it's been forever since I've posted a blog. I have the greatest intentions but don't seem to make it to blogspot as often as I should. However, I HAD to let the world know that I took pictures with the infamous Saddi Khali.

For anyone who has read a previous blog, you know that taking photos by Saddi was on my 29th year bucket list. Well, I did it!

Today (Feb 10), he asked me to write my afterthoughts about the shoot. Here is my reply to him:


Online, I booked an "artistic" shoot and purposely did not click "nude" because there was NO WAY on earth I was doing nude pics at my size/weight. When Saddi called, he asked questions to get an idea about the shoot and advised me on the feelings I'd feel about being "nude". Silently I said "Uhm, i'm not taking nude pics Saddi" yet I said nothing. The day of the shoot, I drove to the photo site knowing i was not taking my clothes off.

When I walked into the room where the pictures would be taken, I exhaled and said to myself "Just do it". Saddi greeted me and instantly i felt a warm presence about him. Something about his demeanor told me there was no judgment here. He was NOT going to tell me how fat i was, how i needed to lose weight and why I wasn't "good enough" for nude pics. He was not going to point out my stretch marks or scars or birthmarks to me. In fact, I began to point them out to him as if I wanted to bring attention to my flaws before he had time to be disgusted by them. Yet in the 2 hours with Saddi, I felt beautiful. In a matter of one photo session, i became someone new. No longer worried about my weight and how many more pounds I needed to lose, i was able to be ME.

In 2 hours, I transformed.

I left Saddi a different person. A new found love of self. An appreciation of every curve. I stared at my pictures in awe. No touch ups, no photo shop, real, raw, ME.

This all took place one week ago (2/3/12). I've had people stop me and tell me "something is different about you". I've had friends tell me I seem brighter and happier. I stand in front of the mirror and smile at ALL of the goodness I see. I recognize I will NEVER be the same person again. My walk and talk is different. I had a random stranger at publix stop me this week and say "You're beautiful". Usually, I would've taken his comment and silently said he was crazy or it "must be the outfit" or the hair. I thanked him and internally said "Yep! I know. If you think i'm beautiful now, you should see me NAKED!"

I fell in love with a woman last reflection in the mirror.

Thank you Saddi for changing my world and my life. I am forever grateful.
“From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines.” ― Walt Whitman


"Let's see ourselves beautiful again." --- Saddi Khali

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year

I often wonder if I am the only one concerned with how fast time SEEMS to be going. Yes, there are still 24 hours in a day and 168 hours in a week, I get that. Yet somehow we blink and lose track of time.

Here we are at the beginning of 2012 already. The world scrambles to make resolutions and a to do list containing 100 things they are going to do this year. I admit, I am guilty of doing this year after year. Sure it's ok to have goals but I encourage you to stop waiting for tomorrow, next year, your birthday, the summer, when you lose weight, when you're rich, etc to START living.

2011 was a year of lessons. I learned BIG lessons and not so big ones but they all got me HERE. One lesson I seem to keep learning is to slow down. I am still working on this but I am at a better place with this goal than I was on January 1, 2011. Although I mentioned this before, the biggest lesson I learned was to take risks.
I found myself in a Women's Empowerment Workshop this year hosted by Katie Lemieux. I found myself taking plus size pictures with Mystic to start a portfolio. I tried out for a plus size fashion show. I was reminded as to what love is (and what it is not). I became a vegan. Most importantly, I remembered how magnificent and wonderful I am and should NEVER be around people who fail to recognize my greatness.
As 2012 begins, I am grateful for all of these lessons. I am wishing farewell to negativity, meat and several people. I am better off without you.

In 2012, I hope you find what you are looking for. Remember happiness and love start from within. If you fail to remind yourself of this often, you will lose yourself (quickly).

For the first time ever, I have chosen to have only one "resolution":

Do things that make ME happy. That's my big picture. The end all and be all.

As for my followers, supporters, and haters, I thank you. I'm up to BIG things in 2012 and you only motivate me to keep going.

Cheers to 2012!

Much love from Jackieonappy.

In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. -- David Steindl-Rast